peaceful;

     So, as I'm sitting here on my porch, candle lit beside me, thinking "wow, this really is perfect", a voice in the back of my head keeps saying "Carly, this is going to be over soon." I'll be moving into my dorm in less than a month. I won't have this porch, this chair, this view of the night sky, this fresh, country air, these trees, crickets, or coyotes howling down the lane. That's terrifying. What do you do when the "norm" you've been blessed with your entire life is about to change? I was just trying to enjoy summer--trying not to think about this--the past few months, and now it's all rushing in. I watched Titanic today. I feel like the captain. You know, the one who goes down with his ship. He just stands there in the helm, holding onto the wheel waiting for the water to come crashing in; and then it does. In just a few moments, he's gone.

     That's a bit how I feel. Except, I'm not letting it drown me. I'm trying to embrace it. Change is good, Carly. It really, really is. This change especially! I know that college will be an entirely new, fresh experience filled with entirely new, fresh opportunities--and that is very, very exciting. I'm anxious to get going, but I really want to cherish this last little stretch of "norm". I want to consciously be grateful for the little things--my own bathroom and room, a garage, a porch with a big open yard that overlooks a beautiful barn and the most breathtaking sunsets imaginable, my parents just a door away, empty streets that I can run and bike in the middle of, my home church within walking distance. I'm going to miss it all. I really am. That's the scary part. Everything else, however, is so exciting. I've always been very independent--and this is just another big step in the right direction. 

     Phew, my eyes may have been a little blurry due to tears while writing that last part. 

     It's a wee bit terrifying, counterbalanced by an invigorating feeling of excitement and anxiousness; and no matter how cliche this may sound, I know all I have to do is trust God because He is leading me in the right direction--His direction. 

     Bring it on, life.

     xx