peaceful;

     So, as I'm sitting here on my porch, candle lit beside me, thinking "wow, this really is perfect", a voice in the back of my head keeps saying "Carly, this is going to be over soon." I'll be moving into my dorm in less than a month. I won't have this porch, this chair, this view of the night sky, this fresh, country air, these trees, crickets, or coyotes howling down the lane. That's terrifying. What do you do when the "norm" you've been blessed with your entire life is about to change? I was just trying to enjoy summer--trying not to think about this--the past few months, and now it's all rushing in. I watched Titanic today. I feel like the captain. You know, the one who goes down with his ship. He just stands there in the helm, holding onto the wheel waiting for the water to come crashing in; and then it does. In just a few moments, he's gone.

     That's a bit how I feel. Except, I'm not letting it drown me. I'm trying to embrace it. Change is good, Carly. It really, really is. This change especially! I know that college will be an entirely new, fresh experience filled with entirely new, fresh opportunities--and that is very, very exciting. I'm anxious to get going, but I really want to cherish this last little stretch of "norm". I want to consciously be grateful for the little things--my own bathroom and room, a garage, a porch with a big open yard that overlooks a beautiful barn and the most breathtaking sunsets imaginable, my parents just a door away, empty streets that I can run and bike in the middle of, my home church within walking distance. I'm going to miss it all. I really am. That's the scary part. Everything else, however, is so exciting. I've always been very independent--and this is just another big step in the right direction. 

     Phew, my eyes may have been a little blurry due to tears while writing that last part. 

     It's a wee bit terrifying, counterbalanced by an invigorating feeling of excitement and anxiousness; and no matter how cliche this may sound, I know all I have to do is trust God because He is leading me in the right direction--His direction. 

     Bring it on, life.

     xx

connections;

     Sometimes, you just have a connection with someone; an instant, puzzling spark ignites between yourself and someone else and you simply can't explain it. I hope you have all experienced something like this before, because it's rather difficult to sum it up with words. Now, I'm not talking about that special "connection" between two people in love--well, not just that. I'm talking about all of the binding forces that occur between human beings--all human beings. For example, you may have a feeling of closeness with someone even though you haven't really known them for very long. You might notice odd similarities between you and another person; and you may even encounter perplexing, telepathy-like experiences that leave you feeling strange. Though the situations vary, they do have one thing in common--it is so extremely difficult to explain such a feeling.

     There's something special and indescribable that happens when you and your best friend say the exact same thing at the same time. There's a feeling of closeness, and possibly a feeling of the creeps, when someone seems to "read your mind". It's so perplexing, but so fun, to watch how people work--how they "be". Soon, after being around someone for long enough, you start to pick up on them. Their quirks, attitudes, moods, senses of style and humor; and they start to rub off onto you without anyone even taking notice. It's funny how we so simply say "oh, you're starting to rub off on me", but do you realize how amazing that "rubbing off" is? Your brain has stored something special from someone else without you even knowing it. You have subconsciously memorized a saying or action or habit of someone close to you. And I think that's a big deal. There's a reason we meet the people we do, and there's a reason they "rub off" on us and vice versa. We are all so connected because we are all rubbing off on each other. That could be a very good thing, but hey, it could also be a very bad thing. So, while you're out there, remember that you are always "rubbing off" onto someone else. Be kind, be generous, be compassionate, be open minded, be optimistic, be accepting--be good. And before you know it, before anyone even has time to notice, the world will be much good-er.

xx

better;

     Happy New Year, Everyone! I feel like it's only natural to reminisce on the old, fading year as the new one comes racing in. It's very human to remember, regret, recall, and relive old memories; especially around the time of a New Year. 2012, for me, was a year to remember. A year of firsts, a year of lasts, a year of revealed secrets, a year of love, a year of loss. As I sit here recalling, laughing, shaking my head at all the memories I've made this year, there's no feeling of regret; at all. While there are memories I might be ashamed of, I can't say that I regret them because at one point they were exactly what I wanted. Thinking back on them now, they might seem a little off; but they helped form who I am at this exact moment, and I think that's very important.

     I am very grateful for all the experiences I had this past year. I am SO looking forward to 2013. Like most people, I have a resolution for myself: to run everyday. I've stuck to it so far, but I don't know how long it will last. Overall, though, I just want to be a little better at everything. I want to focus on being a better person, a little bit at a time. The problem with many resolutions made is that they are too drastic, too sudden, too groundbreaking. Maybe, like this picture suggests, we should start with baby steps. 


     -Love a little bolder; you probably love a lot of people in your life. Let them know! 
     -Laugh a little louder; because as a very good friend of mine once said: "Laughing is so great. I wish I could laugh all day, every day." I totally agree. It really is the best medicine. 
     -Stand a little taller; know yourself. Be proud. Be confident. 
     -Be a little braver; reach out, help others, and don't be afraid of saying what you really feel. 
     -Dream a little bigger; don't be afraid, those dreams are attainable. 
     -Make the world a little brighter; you have something to offer. Let the world know. Be patient. Be kind.  Be good. Be loving. Be accepting. Be positive. 

     There you have it: love, laugh, stand, be, dream, and make. Some of my goals for the year. I encourage you to make some goals for yourself. Not necessarily a resolution per say, because I know many people are against them. Just some ways for you to be better, little by little. The world could use some better. 

xx

change;

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 
― Lao Tzu

Change is scary. I've always been afraid of it, and that's not something I like to admit. I can't wrap my mind around it; and it's nights like these when I'm by myself drinking coffee and watching Friends that I like to try.

Change hurts. Change frees. Change invigorates. Change kills. Change renews. Of those five things change tends to do, three of them are positive. Best three out of five. That's a win if we're talking rock, paper, scissors. So what's there to be afraid of? The action. The actually changing. Something different, new, unfamiliar. It's scary.

Good ol' Lao said it best: let reality be reality. Or there's the cliche version: live in the moment. The Beatles understood it, too: let it be. People have been saying it for years, and I guess it's easier to listen when you're going through a tough time. I want so much in my life, and I realize that sounds extremely selfish; but I'm ready to work for it. I just don't know if I'm ready for all the change. When I picture my life 10 years from now, it's so big and wonderful. I just look past the change, and see myself there. Maybe that's how you distinguish passions and goals. When you have a certain passion, you look towards the future and just see yourself there. You don't even acknowledge the journey, really. You're just there. A goal, on the other hand, involves a lot of work. And it's much more difficult to picture yourself post goal.

So I'm honestly taking Lao's advice to heart. I'm going to let reality be reality. I'm going to be. Let things flow forward. Because I have the assurance of God's hand guiding me along. He knows what I want and He knows what I need. He's there even when I don't deserve Him to be. And he has blessed me so much. So much. My life will be what He wants it to be and if my past is any clue to what the future holds, I can't wait to go on this journey. This wild, crazy, ever-changing journey called life.